New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
