You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
