just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
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