I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
being pregnant is like rehab
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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