That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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