I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
