If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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