He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I pour the whiskey from now on
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
