Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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