he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize