I wanna bring you to show and tell
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
