I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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