sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
nutella sex= disaster
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
