i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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