You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize