If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
