It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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