I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
