i think my tv is drunk
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
