how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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