omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
