marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
