Michael Bay diarrhea
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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