after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
