You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
