The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
