I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Randomize
