We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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