After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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