nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
