Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
