I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
