i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
