My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
