dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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