Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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