you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
