omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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