Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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