I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
