The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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