A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
