it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
