I think i sorta joined a cult last night
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
