dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
