So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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