Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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