I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
