After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
