How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
