I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
