I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
