How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize