your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
