:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
