if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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