You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Randomize
