News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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