Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
