Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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