I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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