I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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