What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
