She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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