I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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