fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
